All posts by njidekasanya

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!

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Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! I know it’s been a while since we spoke last, and I apologize. I don’t think citizens of heaven can freely come back to this side, and I love you loads but I’m definitely not willing to cross over any time soon (aiye o le to nyen, Sir). Oh, the memories! On a typical Father’s Day like this you’d have cracked at least one or ten jokes about how finally fathers get to have some attention, and we’d all be rolling our eyes behind your back as usual. Well, the good news is that Father’s Day now gets more attention than it used to, thanks to social media, so we’ve got Father’s Day messages and stuff everywhere, and even banks send out goodwill messages now. The bad news is that all this is just a small fraction of what happens on Mother’s Day (both of them), so the girls are still ahead, sorry…

A lot is still more or less the same thing, except that internet data is now considered to be more important than self-actualization in the hierarchy of needs. The “one good president” that you hoped will come in and fix things in Nigeria hasn’t shown up yet, but we’re working on it. Unemployment, poverty, bad roads, and poor electricity supply have remained. Although babies no longer learn to say “Up NEPA” as their first words anymore, since companies with names like EKDC took over, so we can consider that to be some degree of progress, I guess. Hmmm, I remember how you used to switch off the lights intentionally from the fusebox when we were little, claim to do some “magic”, then switch it back on, and we’ll all scream in delight; you and your magic tricks, sha.

But really, it’s not all bad. Malaria and AIDS have dropped significantly so all your advocacy was not in vain. Young people are doing better and making more positive social impact so thanks for doing your part to be an inspiration. You know how you made the decision to give up your life in Canada and move the family back? Yeah, no one does that anymore, like seriously. The wind of change is blowing people from USA to Canada to Australia. Andrew and everybody he know don check out o! and with their families, too.

Nigeria go survive o, Nigeria go survive…
(if you don’t know this song, look for an 80’s child to ask)

We’re all making good progress, Daddy. Your lectures, speeches, stories, examples, and just seeing the way you lived your life really paid off for your children. You should see Obi now; he has a great job, his own side hustles, is happily married, and he’s a daddy too! Since it’s Father’s Day, I’ll leave the ladies out. We’ll be back on Mother’s Day or Sister’s day or International Women’s Day (we have a lot of options). He’s taking good care of mummy, so don’t worry about her. She’s doing great, and looks young and beautiful as always. I must confess I have told her to go and marry again o, since she’s still a babe, especially if she can catch a rich elderly God-fearing Christian gentleman who will pamper all of us ehn; I think I’m the only one in the family who has her best interests at heart.

I have told her to go and marry again o… I think I’m the only one in the family who has her best interests at heart.

You taught us that people matter because they’re people, and to ignore tribe or color of skin or language, and I took it personally by marrying a Yoruba man. His name’s Segun and he’s the best! Good and generous and kind, always willing to help people out, kinda like you. He isn’t an Arsenal fan, but his dad is so please let’s forgive him. His whole family is great. They treat me well and make sure I’m comfortable and constantly look out for me. I can hear you laughing under your breath at the thought of me being fussed over, but you must know that I’m older now and not so prickly anymore – I’m pretty nice these days. Speaking of family, our ‘family’ is…good. Let’s just say more fights broke out and unfortunately things went the way you hoped they wouldn’t go. Thank you for instilling in us self-worth and independence, and that no one owes us anything. I love you for that and last, last, everybody will be alright so we’re good.

You taught us that people matter because they’re people, and to ignore tribe or color of skin or language…

The cousins are cool; keeping in touch is still not yet one of my strong points, but Ify keeps me updated and you know we can trust her. Chi and Ak have settled down in Canada, and they’re doing great. Your number 6 is on her way to becoming a Consultant, we’re all so proud of her but we don’t tell her all the time, so her head doesn’t swell. Thanks to something called Whatsapp, we are all in contact regularly.

We love you and miss you and sometimes it hurts at everything you didn’t get to see and be a part of, but God knows best, and there’s so much stuff I’m glad you were saved from. Please say hi to the baby brother who never was, at least he escaped all this Nigeria whahala. Please if you see Sunkanmi around, tell her I love her and still think of her and take inspiration from her kind ways.

Remember this?

We still live by it. Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. I miss you and I love you!

Finding my Balance

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I’ve never been a superstar at keeping my house clean faithfully (that would be my sister – I’ve made peace with the fact that the gene skipped me), but at least I do OK with my basic weekly or two weekly cleaning. A few months ago, I was stuck in a really tight schedule on weekdays and even weekends. When the busy days set in, I graduated to sweeping the dirt under the chairs, and pretending that the cobwebs all over were evidence that I’m tolerant of all God’s creatures great and small. Problem was, my husband and I (oya, mostly me) had guests coming over more often, so that eye service method of tossing all the stuff on the living room chairs into the room, wiping all visible surfaces 5 minutes before showtime, and praying earnestly that nobody looks up at the ceiling fan or straight at the standing fan was just not working any longer.


…I graduated to sweeping the dirt under the chairs and pretending that the cobwebs all over were evidence that I’m tolerant of all God’s creatures great and small.

After some “family meetings” – code word for a few rounds of disagreeing, making up and praying, we decided to get someone to help with the cleaning. Neither of us was keen on it (he’s paranoid about security and I’m paranoid about people touching my stuff…ugh!), but we went ahead and made the call. The first day “Aunty Anna” came in to clean during the day, we came home together, at night. We had to take deep breaths before opening the door. You should have seen us ascending the staircase slowly, with trepidation in every step… it was like Mr. and Mrs. Smith meets NCIS, sans the guns and maybe the hand and eye signals. He was imagining that all our valuables had been replaced by fakes, and I was so sure everything would be in the ‘wrong place’.

Omo, we moved into the flat when it was newly built, and in 4 years and counting of living there, it had never been this clean! Like never ever. I mean she cleaned. The. House. The floors were shiny, the oven was shiny, the shoes looked good, the windows, the window nets! I was swiftly delivered of all my OCD tendencies when I saw the dresser looking unrecognizable, which means all my cosmetic ‘pangolos’ were well arranged. It felt like the last day of secondary school, when you know you are never going back to wearing school uniforms. Freedom. New life. Fresh air. Well-made beds. You get the point. We continued in this blissful state of clean house for a while, and then disaster struck! My schedule became lighter, and I was suddenly available to do the cleaning. Did I want to go back to the days of my own version of a clean house? After tasting the milk and honey of the promise land, to start going back to Egypt? No nah…

I began to feel guilty though, you know, like I was just being lazy and/or irresponsible by not cleaning my own house when I actually have the time to do it. Also, my house is kinda small. It’s a 2-bedroom apartment on the mainland, and we all know that those houses were built with total consideration for the tenants who have hectic schedules and need to get things done quickly. Why should you trek for such long distances in your own home? Why? Having only three steps to get from your bed to the door is helpful to set out on time in the mornings; when you’re done in the toilet, just stand up and you’re already at the sink to wash your hands. Save a few more minutes in the kitchen because you only need to stretch out your hand and you’ve covered the distance between the stove and your entire stash of food, condiments, pots, and pans. I wonder how those poor souls who live in spacious houses cope?


Why should you trek for such long distances in your own home? Why?

Anyway, back to the story; so here I am feeling bad about not doing my own house cleaning. My overactive imagination was already seeing people whispering behind my back as I walked down the street: “Why can’t she clean her house herself?” “Lazy woman, and she’s not even busy… is this how she’s going to train her children?” “Why can’t she be a Proverbs 31 woman?” Thankfully, I was snapped out of it after a few days by a simple, though somewhat rude, thought: Nne, please don’t prevent another woman from getting paid for doing what she’s good at! The time you would have spent doing your half-baked cleaning, go and spend it doing something you are good at that you can actually get paid for, biko! Besides it doesn’t say that the woman in Proverbs 31 cleaned the house herself, it says she isn’t lazy and she watches over the affairs of her house.


aunty mi, lọ ya ara re ni brain o!

You know how it is sometimes your mind does not even have respect for you? It was enough sha, cos I kuku respected myself and jejely went to write in peace.

This year, we celebrate women with the theme #BalanceforBetter. It’s a call for individuals, organizations, and nations, and really societies to be more deliberate about creating balanced systems where women have equal opportunities to fulfill their potentials and achieve their goals. I think we should also remember to create balance within our space. Since the Aunty Anna era I’ve done more cooking, le hubs is happier and healthier, and I’m getting more stuff done. Balance means everyone can go ahead and make a difference at what it is they are good at on a level playing field. So let’s get ready to do just that by getting personal priorities straight. Find your balance!